Morning, Day 4

I was just too tired to post anything yesterday, which was also my birthday. The Board meetings at the office really took it out of me... They were good, though, and kept my mind off of the whole quitting smoking thing.

A few observations - I didn't really feel craving to smoke while we were in the meetings. This is a new company for me and the opportunity to learn was abundant, so I was quite focused. But at the end of each day, as I was packing up my laptop and stuff and heading to the car, the urge would be nearly overwhelming. It always got followed closely by irrational thoughts of "how am I going to drive home without a cigarette?"

Another thing - at about 10pm on Thursday night, two days into quitting, I got really emotional. Now yes, I am a woman. But generally speaking, outside of hormonal spiks, I'm not the emotional type. My overall disposition could be characterized as "one of the guys". Further, I am not in a hormonal time period. I specifically planned quitting to be as far away from any PMS or anything like that as humanly possible.

Thursday night, as I was contemplating going to bed, I just kind of cried for a bit. I HATE that. I HATE crying and I mean it. Friday morning I got up very early - I didn't wake Mr. RenaRF because he did NOT have to be up early. I left to go to the offie - by about 9:30am I realized Mr. RenaRF hadn't called. This was my birthday, remember. I called him and asked what he was doing, and he told me he was getting ready to walk out the door to go to work. He had been up for some time and hadn't called me on my birthday. I just rang off with him and cried AGAIN, in my office, where no one could see me. At 11:30am Mr. RenaRF came TO my office with my cards, gift, and a dozen long-stemmed roses. He had planned it all along. When we took a break for lunch I felt like an asshole and cried yet one more time.

Crying crying crying, mixed with irritability and a shortening of an already short patience level.

But I haven't smoked. ((sigh))

The numbers:

Cigarettes I haven't smoked: 61. Money I've saved: $12.20.